How I Met My Girlfriend
My girlfriend moved in with me end of March beginning of April. We met last year on July 27, and looking back thru my google photos from around that time, it seems I have enough visuals to tell the story quite well here.
All the more magically, for me it started the previous evening. I had a blast going to see Drunk Shakespeare with a group of friends. The play was Romeo and Juliet, retold with improv comedy and dildos instead of swords. I was even volunteered to participate as the audience member who drank the first shot with the cast (volunteered by my own drunken boisterousness, I'll admit it)!
This all happened shortly after I got tattoos and before turning 30. Defining Decade achieved. ✅
i highly recommend this particular play, enjoyed it more than their rendition of Dracula which i saw later (with gf Alexandra)
Having a blast, most of our group went out for drinks after. I ended up playing poker at Talking Stick with an excitable John, not making it home until 4am if I recall that night correctly. We had discussed this idea many times before, and at the bar got happy to make that night ours.
John started feeling ready for action when the sunglasses came out. Needless to say we did not play poker very well that night. No, I'm not offering him drugs, you're hallucinating that.
This entire evening was one of my best in all the time I spent in Phoenix, and I don't just feel that way because of what happened next. It felt like I had really earned those relationships since moving to Scottsdale in December and basically having zero friends nor furniture for months.
Going out and enjoying each others' company was a real treat, something I hadn't had probably since college or even high school. At least, not in a larger group that still felt so close-knit and familiar as this one, after such a short time knowing each other too. There were 6 or 8 of us I think.
Around April-May-June, I had given up on hanging out with my sister (plus dating apps) as my primary social project of Q1. I decided to start hosting a weekly board game dinner night to create myself a little community. I had met enough random acquaintance people around town to bring them together because I genuinely liked them all and felt they would be cool in a group: Adam at poker tournaments, Trevor at the Sip coffee Sunday chess meetup, a couple girls thru Hinge dates who ended up being friendzones, neighbors in my apartment building wine wednesdays, etc.
With the right group of sufficiently social people, hosting a weekly gathering imposes "generosity costs" on the guests (see Adam Grant's awesome book Give and Take for more on this topic). After 5 or 6 weeks in a row, my regulars became clear and increasingly started insisting it was their turn to host, they wanted to contribute, etc. Lauren in particular is a real go-getter, so I believe she suggested Drunk Shakespeare and pulled it together.
The next day, despite having very little sleep—which alcohol does to me in my old age—I woke up feeling absolutely wonderful. Grogginess aside, I was ready for more social momentum and texted some friends to join me on a little quest to visit a local spot Trevor and Marti had recommended independently, The Book Gallery.
The only one willing and able to join me was Lauren, for which I am eternally grateful. Alexandra later told me that she never gives out her number to customers and I was only allowed the privilege because Alex liked Lauren, who in turn gave me social cred to not be a creepy bookstore customer hitting on her. Lol.
The bookstore itself is beautiful. We wandered the shelves and had comical interactions with a grumpy old man, then had pizza next door with other friends. I ended up spending at least 90 minutes purchasing a shelf of Ayn Rand stuff. As you can see in the picture below there were pamphlets and letters for purchase, which I had never seen in a bookstore before.
they only sell USED books! it's antiquarian-focused and a very special spot, kind of a less industrial more niche version of Powell's in Portland but still huge
After this experience I immediately blogged about finding the cool Ayn Rand stuff (and Alexandra too it seems, haha didn't remember that). As a minimalist with no furniture, I never have collected any art in the past. I still figured my little half bookshelf was worth something in case I regretted spending $1000 on books and questionable old papers later. Perhaps I was still high from the previous night. The book store owner did not seem to be the kind of guy who wanted to give out refunds.
Thankfully, my theory that these collectables are legit rather than me stroking my own ego proved correct immediately when a subscriber replied fairly quickly.
In parallel, the book store manager woman was texting up a storm. Normally I much prefer phone calls but for some reason this antique book expert contact really got me involved in some wordplay.
I unexpectedly had more social energy that carried through the next couple days, so our text thread—which I genuinely was not aiming for a date with, I was open to making a book friend or invite another human to our board game night crew, etc—got both of us to the point where it felt really natural to just ask her if she wanted to have a tea date with me.
our first texts and gearing up for the tea date!
We went to dimsum, which she had never had before and honestly Phoenix is lacking in decent Asian options. But it was acceptable enough for me and fun for her to walk around the Mekong asian grocery mall plaza area. Our date ended up being more than tea. We unexpectedly hung out and had adventures for around 8 hours that first day. The time just flew by!
first date! looks like Alex made friends with a dead octopus in the fish section. this may or may not have been flirting.
I don't recall to whom I sent debrief texts from the following screenshot. What's clear is that I wanted more dates. I have discovered later that she found our connection somewhat magical too.
This concludes the story of how I met my girlfriend. Subsequent sagas include me leaving town and moving to SF pretty shortly thereafter and also posting a Request For Wife blog (she loved seeing that one) and later backfilling it with Alex from whom I've been unable to escape.
As I said, we now live together. And so she is getting more comfortable about me posting photos of her / us on the internet.
Life is a highway!
if you enjoyed my little walk down memory lane, maybe you'll like these related-ish things:
- a recent trip to Asheville NC Alex and I took, which I blogged with many pictures on my local and travel-focused substack GVL SC USA EARTH (greenville.substack.com was too juicy of a handle to not snag).
- an asian guy, not me, wrote this cute little breakdown of him developing social skills, inspiring - "Talking to 35 Strangers at the Gym". and perhaps interesting sociologically as a window into this generation's post-college experience
- how to be anti-social, short and sweet, also not by me.
