What are you known for?

A couple days ago, I went on a hike with a group of acquaintances. Someone I hadn't met before ended up beside me. We walked together for maybe 20 minutes.

Those 20 minutes were intense. She peppered me with questions. I gave short answers, then things got interesting. She asked, "what word do you most hope other people use to describe your intelligence?"

I thought for a moment and tried "thoughtful" before asking what her favored descriptor was. She said "curious" and clearly embodied that. Honestly, I'm not used to someone else's curiosity overwhelming mine, as she did with her machine-gun inquiries. Then she made a frank observation.

"Your answers are noncommittal," she told me.

We lapsed into silence. I made sure to verbalize "I appreciate your questions," but I struggled to formulate any further response. Then the group took a break together and we shuffled, parted ways.

For the rest of the hike, I felt slightly off. I wasn't able to process this interaction we had. Perhaps the altitude of Tahoe contributed, or my social battery got depleted among the new crowd. Maybe I didn't feel in control...

She was so energetic and bouncy. I enjoyed talking, but I was definitely having trouble going with the flow and expressing my joy. I wanted to ask her questions and learn about her too. I wanted a chance to redo the whole thing, to wax eloquent, and be received...

There's a saying: you don't get second chances for a first impression.

But when does this actually matter?

We show up to each moment however we can. I don't think any higher purpose was served by me fixating on how our 20-minute chat could have gone better.

Yet I'm still stuck on it, to the point where I needed to write this blog post a couple days later. I'm also compelled to have multiple positive follow-up interactions with this person, ideally, in order to "balance out the universe". Thankfully we're stuck together for a month in this house, and my little karmic side quest is going swimmingly so far!

If our intent diverges from the outcome of an interaction, and others choose to attribute responsibility for that outcome to us—as opposed to shouldering their part—then judgment is being applied on the wrong side of Hanlon's Razor. This particular woman has no such problems, and I was never judged at all.

We meet many people in life. Some mesh, and some don't. Some are worth follow-ups and some aren't. A smile or frown exchanged on a public bus might be the entirety of our time together on this little rotating speck of space dust.

It's up to each of us to decide whom we praise, apologize to, or form relationships with. We can email non-responsive people just the once, or we can spam them five times a day. We can speak up, blog, send postcards, or stay silent.

The First Amendment includes freedom of association. With a sufficiently long time horizon, I believe the West's Universal Culture will organically continue to flourish and prosper, just as the authors of The Constitution intended.

~~~
Thanks to Aly for inspiring this post and reviewing an initial draft. Many thanks to Aaron for the entire glorious October Abundance House experience.