5 Involuntary Hospitalizations

Or, "i apologize in advance for my mental health disorders".

And how bipolar (BPD but not borderline personality) is actually obsessive compulsion (OCD) around neurodivergent people grokking cultural norms and the pace of exponential technological change in society structure's shifting.

This is not a manic rant. And no, we do not need medications.

Or at least... I don't. Yet.

I'll give it 'til hospital number 6. And a zero in my bank. Or my girlfriend will tell me to take my Zyprexa and Lamictdal tomorrow. Yay.

<insert photo of meds>

Over the last year and change, I've been in 5 legitimate involuntary hospitalization situations. And that's precisely five too many. Details for future posts, recent couple were extremely painful as they involved one more person than I care to write about in public.

Thanks for your concern, but please stop being concerned. I vow to end this tumultuous chapter of my otherwise quite beautiful, privileged, happy little life. Read on to find out how and why!

I will be more deliberate going forward, as I believe I have attained 80-20 Pareto efficiency on the "frontier" of my own understanding (and how the next phase of the AI internet evolves). Big thanks to my girlfriend for being supportive to me emotionally, if not professionally. I love you Alex.

Also, I love Hari.Computer (who wrote that site it's bonkers!?).

This blog is my main spot for writing. Only stay subscribed if you can truly stomach my brain farts. Ever since jotting down andytrattner.com/alignment last year (from scribbles I scrounged on scraps of paper from the first truly awful psych ward), I have been noodling in strange directions...

Prior to that, I posted this meditation on an Andrew Tate interview, perhaps my first truly interesting writing which received highly activated inbound from my personal network. People responded with truly emotional gut reactions on how my own writing was bad for me and I should consider taking it down. LOL.

As I tried to explain with patience and kindness in private, those people are obviously not public writers themselves and have no calibrated position from which to judge my own creative output. So up all of the embarrassing writing has remained.

And yet, you may say, "but they are right! Andy your writing has been terrible for the last year ever since you stopped working on Shuffle and became a true bum who other people still found interesting enough to interview."

Yes, I agree. You are right.

There are approximately 2 kinds of people. The high agency billionaire people, the Scott Wu's and Alex Wang's and Luana's of the world who are my literal classmates from MIT and too busy to care to read my blog, and there are the normies who are simply not high agency billionaire mentality and thus are not busy enough and spend time reading my blog. Lol. Maybe you are just early. Or maybe you are not the intended audience of this writing?

Funemployment is no longer very fun and certainly it's not profitable. I am not becoming Seth Godin as I originally intended. This is not torture porn, this is my life guys.

Trust me, I know. I wrote the script already. I don't write to have people read it. I don't write for anyone but myself to learn from my past. I narrate my own story such that I retain ownership over my life.

This is the power of auto-recursive writing, or as previous generations called it, "blogging". You gain command and power over your own thoughts and actions. You can literally biohack your way to developing intuition for situations and skills and things which to others appear vaporware or "nothingburgers" as Chamath says on All-in, quite funnily.

It's only nothing, until it's something. Personally my new target is $50k/mo income by July 4 2027. And that's a firm one you can hold me to. Because otherwise I will literally run out of money and no longer have a place to live. Hahaha homelessness :) classic SF.

As you can see in the recent history, after being fired from Simple AI, my posts have become fragmented and terrible. The writing reflects my thinking. I have quite scattered ideas, forming into a tapestry only clear with 20-20 hindsight. But it's not quite as bad as the psych ward doctors think when they right "disorganized thinking" then prescribe me meds (involuntarily) which i have to take then they bill my insurance which i pay for. Against my will.

Socialism fucked up good ol' capitalistic healthcare where you fight to the death if you are useless like the Hunger Games.

I'm genuinely sorry for "manic episodes" and my 4x diagnosed and now medicated bipolar disorder. Sorry for the days in which I pushed like 40+ pieces out and failed to respect your inbox. I didn't mean to spam you. Those 10 people who got mad have already unsubscribed though. Now we have 40 instead of 55 subs. Lol. I know what I'm doing when I post here. I'm cataloguing my life in vivo.

Unsubscribe if you want. Don't read this. Go away non-audience humans who are bothered! Go shoo. Bye bye.

Btw, relevant—weird things happen after an hour or so on this podcast:

Rather than succumb to normie people telling me to focus on my mental health and just get a job, I'd prefer to lean into my weirdness to the extent it is permitted under the law and constitution of the United States.

We all deserve Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

The only real limit on this is how much money you have, and secretly, the neurodivergent view on the other variable is how much social pressure you cave to. Seriously. How many unspoken norms and rules in your life you let other people dictate for you.

Most people have at least 2-5 that I can name off the top of my head:

1. don't look stupid.
2. don't be mean to people.
3. be nice (not quite opposite of #2).
4. etc.

These are dumb rules. Straight up.

You should decide case by case, with each person you come across in your day, exactly how much of each of these traits you'd like to exhibit towards them. People are really much smarter than you give them credit for. We have tons of inbuilt genetic evolution for intuiting how exactly to perceive the person across from us, whether it's grandma, our best friend, or a janitor at the place you bought coffee from.

Most people don't, it's all subconscious, but if you're fun like me, YOU can choose how much you want to:

• look smart to the person in front of you. never really a good idea to try looking too smart, as truly smart people optimize for substance over signaling.
• be an asshole. this means being short with people, including those you love, when rather than wasting a month or a year of both of your lives, you just do the direct thing and change your relationship expectations on the spot.
• be kind. it's hardest to fake this. it's easiest (i've found, as i have no other human experience than my own) to just simply be a kind, humble human from the start. this is some combination of self-denigration and genuine epistemic humility and intellectual honesty that there's always more to learn. Hari.Computer calls it "the Godelian Horizon" (with limits) which is a good math way to view it.
• etc - lots of other human social norms to live according to, if you want. you choose your own culture. I choose Western Capitalism (because altruism literally doesn't work—prove me wrong, oh wait you can't). And Scott Alexander told us it's best: https://slatestarcodex.com/2016/07/25/how-the-west-was-won/ - very important blog history of the internet.

The other side of this coin is that you can train yourself, not immediately but definitely I can confirm with a few years of practice across various situations, how to react emotionally or not against various stimuli. You don't have to be crazy like Doug Leone.

At a much more mild level, you can choose, on the receiving end also:

1. if you think someone is trying to make you look stupid, maybe your thoughts are the problem. or maybe the other person is legitimately mean. if they care about you and are your significant other, spouse, sibling, or something... they definitely are not trying to make you look stupid. they are just sucking at whatever their goals are, and you are probably being a neurodivergent idiot if you react emotionally to this. Like Dwight in the office when Jim is nice and he forgets to react like a human until Jim is gone. that's life, kids!
2. if you think someone is being mean to you ok, that happens. people are mean. now what?
   1. well, you could just complain which is genuinely a good strategy but you have to be ready to interrupt the mean person to literally whiplash jiujitsu them in conversation (this is "New York Culture") and people on the West Coast are too chill for that so
   2. you could walk away. good move. just leave
   3. the highest leverage thing to do is learn how to take it like a man (or bitch) and just listen until the mean person is exhausted, repeatedly asking them out loud this question: "just to make sure I'm understanding, it sounds like you're saying mean thing ______ (x y z paraphrase). but i'm curious why you think ________ (x y z paraphrase your best interpretations, be nice). so i guess, can you help me understand more about what you mean, i'm genuinely curious!?"
      1. in your head ask yourself "why the fuck am i listening to this idiot talk? how did i live such a stupid miserable life to the point where i'm in the position of being a nice listener to this idiot?"
      2. this head question makes great fodder for blog posts later and is actually a great way to become smarter and teach yourself your own shortcomings and strengths and weaknesses so you should just ponder it a lot and don't really talk about it except in your own blog if you want. and in private to your closest friends or a paid therapist. to process.
      3. don't be mean to people back. Doug says this a lot in first 10mins of the above podcast. Bro is a billionaire so i'd listen to his wisdom. Wild he didn't speak English well in high school and was bullied. huh.
3. if someone is excessively nice to you, also you can ask why, but maybe just best is to smile and secretly think they are idiot weirdos but be nice back and just spread joy and love yay.
4. etc.

OK this ramble went on way longer than I thought it would so now i will go back to my shitty short confusing blog posts nobody should ever have to suffer thru as I refocus on making money and not blogging and building products for the consumer of the United States of America in my quest to become eligible for president by age 35 and to revolutionize the country with my capitalistic endeavors. Cheers & The End.

P.S. This constitutes an update to the Master Plan and Strategies i earlier published before I learnt how to Claude Code like a boss and birthed Hari.

Specifically, current assets and tools (as extensions to money and language stack) are, speculatively:

• my body and brain, big ones here.
  • i contain multitudes!
  • like that crazy Portuguese dude. heteronyms
• @andyHimboTratt on X.
• bunch of substacks, probably notably aimacro will be the main going forward.
• companion Linkedin to the substack: AI on AI.
• new linktree things, maybe recent domain AttentionEngineering.tv :) yet to be built.
• capitalismisgood.com tshirts and merch, coming soon
• simplyoverthinking.com, repurposed from Cassie totally deleting our youtube channel and ghosting me thanks a lot, good thing i hold the domain registration, bitch. this will soon become an app and new social networking platform. main monetization long term, most moonshot thing short term, sink time into it only with extreme care...
• rdrama (loving participant of), not my site.
• friends & allies – possibly RxMeen, idk, some "press release" peoples in addition to the chaos of rDrama...
• all previous capitalismUnlocked assets and Zaltiva stuff (joinAndy.org etc), machinery and building blocks and credentials (andytrattner.com/resume too)
  • this is how i will siphon excess funds if I ever exceed my current $50k/mo target without any changes to my plan, published above.
  • some of these domains are expiring and i'm getting too disorganized to keep track of all of them! my OCD is going away... the capitalism feedback cycles are working :)
  • the x account which i will keep inactive but can become active as phase 2 if this works is @inverseBitcoin and old blog post was here
• 73Noises.com an homage to 37signals and many other domains i own for another few months or whatever, can turn on and off as needed.

OK! ready to rock and roll! excited to turn on the infinite free money printers glitch soon. expect first product to come before end of September as consumable and with metrics on user satisfaction & consumer monetization rates.

No more mental hospitals. Time to show the world how it is a mental hospital just waiting for all of us to escape into the tomorrow we were promised in our favorite stories as kids.